Tryon
Edwards once said: “Sinful and forbidden pleasures are like poisoned bread;
they may satisfy appetite for the moment, but there is death in them at the
end”. The ideal one is where the baker does not display this kind of bread in
the store. Well, ideal things do not always happen. Knowing the bread is
poisoned, there is a hungry consumer that decides to take bites of the bread.
After his second or third bites, he does not want to finish it. Another
consumer is a very hungry one that keeps enjoying the bread until it is
finished.
There are
reasons why some pleasures are classified as forbidden. I believe the purpose is to avoid death at the end as well, though it does not always relate to
the loss of life. However, a recent study done by Truong et al in 2013: An unforgettable apple: Memory and attention for forbidden objects showed that when individuals are forbidden from
everyday objects, our minds and brains pay more attention to them. Imagine
how difficult it can be when the object now is a pleasure, something we are
look forward to enjoying it.
When men lay eyes on a woman who successfully
had their undivided attention, I might say they are stupefied for a moment. Louann Brizendine in one of her book, The Male Brain, indicates that when men
encounter this situation, they are practically oblivious to everyone but the
woman. Suddenly, all they could think about was how to get her attention.
Without being consciously aware of it, men were following the commands of their
ancient mating brain. Since the process is rather “autopilot”, it is difficult
for men to prevent this from happening in their mind. Now it depends on how
much they let their logic involved here. It is when they decide how far this
unconscious process takes them through, that is still considered acceptable, in
relation to what they value most in life.
One easy
example is to start being aware of each other’s relationship status. I bet when men are attracted to a woman, they will find
out her relationship status – with or without the woman knowing it – so they can
adjust what to do next. Ideally, only
if both men and the woman are available can the process be developed further. However, knowing one or both are not officially
available, sometimes the process does not necessarily end. Men’s ancient mating
brain can try to unconsciously deceive them by blurring the definition of
available and acceptable that encourages men to find out further whether she is “available”.
That is why some men are tempted to start building interaction with the woman
though, where she is obviously taken. The way they build interaction varies from a very obvious one – clearly show (only) to the woman – that makes her wonder does she make herself
clear enough regarding her availability, to a very subtle one that requires a
very detailed woman to notice such cues, which can also leave her wondering.
In the latter, the woman can wonder the same, but before that, the more
fundamental confusion is usually whether it is a cues or he is just trying to
be nice.
During the initial stage of the interaction, men's logic continuously reiterates the consequences if they keep moving forward, but somehow they see this as 2 independent things: what they feel
and what their logic try to warn them. This can be quite catastrophic if men let the
process lulled them, where at the beginning it may seems nothing wrong. It
is never easy though, as when the ancient mating brain’s desire is not
fulfilled, men can start what Louann said as getting a primitive biological
craving.
A married man that seems to
value the family most can feel so excited texting a woman using various
emoticons, arranging their next meet up, where he just had the 13th
wedding anniversary and maybe after kissing his wife goodnight. Or a newly-wed man can
engage in a whole day virtual chat with a woman and close the chat with
sending her a song “Something about Us”. Or another man that requests something
to a woman, but he aborted it because he does not want his fiancée know.
The
above examples show how the unconscious process manifests in men’s behavior
through different ways, sometimes neglecting the fact of being off the market and all the consequences
behind. The dangerous part is when
they start to develop feeling to the woman. It starts when they experience a
feeling of excitement called lust, then sometimes it is mistakenly called as love,
where actually it remains just a lust. Even if it is really a love feeling, I
believe this is not what they anticipate when they started the interaction with
the woman. Some men can finally confess the feeling to the woman that they love
her, even if they base the confession on the lust feeling – but yes, sometimes
it is difficult to differentiate between lust and love. Others decide not to
confess anything, where they see no points of confessing something forbidden.
Recalling the
poisoned bread analogy, now it depends whether men want to play the hungry
costumer that decides to step back, or a very hungry one who continue to the
next behavior manifestation. If they decide to step back, they will have to
conquer all the craving inside and listen to the logic. Congratulations for
understanding the existence of forbidden pleasure. If they decide to continue, help yourself, but
ask your conscience to consider this: You could have broken no heart, but you
decided to have 2 hearts (or 3 including yours) broke at once.
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